2012 Mini Coupe S

Price: Far to much.  But then again, it IS a Mini
Power: Plenty for its size
Sex Appeal: If you have the hots for teenagers with backward hats, then you are in luck!!!

If you want a Mini, you want a Mini.  I learned this when my sister bought her Mini Cooper S.  You throw out all reason, any sense of frugality, and plenty of better options for the sake of driving, and owning, a Mini.  Don't get me wrong, Mini makes a great car.  It is fast, economical, and pretty sexy looking (usually).  However, I only see there are two justifications for buying a Mini: 1) You REALLY FREAKIN want one, or 2) You have more money than you know what to do with.

On paper, buying a Mini is ok, until you look at the options list.  What should be a 25K car ends up costing well over 30K at any dealer because of the very few options they tack on.  This is a product of being owned by BMW, who LOVES to lure you in with a base price then hits you with several "packages" that add close to 10K for the base price.

I've driven several Minis before and I've always enjoyed the experience, so I have no doubt that this car will go like stink and handle well to boot.  I just don't see the reason for spending a bunch of money on a teenager witha  backwards hat.  I wish I could say I came up with that analogy but unfortunately Mini already has that honor.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Mini itself thinks it looks like a cool kid with a backwards hat.  Lord help the future of all cars.

My only exposure to this car was sitting in this car at the San Diego Car show.  It looks and feels just like a Mini.  It has more blind spots than normal and absolutely NO trunk space so I really don't see the point.  Get a regular Mini Cooper S.  Same price but is slightly, and I mean slightly, more usable.  Otherwise, I would wait for the convertible version of the Coupe which I know will show up sometime.  But even then, it will still be a 30+ thousand dollar mini competitor.  But then again, if you like Mini......

2012 Subaru WRX

Price: USED to be be reasonable
Power: Lots and lots of it.
Sex Appeal: Ill leave that for you to decide.  If you have testosterone It will appeal to you.  Otherwise I have a feeling the best you can come up with is "nice rims."

I've wanted a Subaru WRX for years and years now.  I tried back in 2006 when I got my first car and they were conveniently out of them. I tried a couple years later and, again, they were out.  In the end I have come to determine that this car doesn't actually exist.  Ok that is a slight exaggeration.  What that really means is that this car is extremely popular with today's youth, and for good reason.  There are very few cars that offer as much "car" for the money as this one.

Since it started its life as a rally car, the WRX comes with all wheel drive (standard), and a big, bad ass motor.  Up until 2009, this mean about 220 hp.  In 2009, "Bad ass" became around 265 hp.  A reasonable number but what was really impressive was its performance.  A special little combination between the power, the all wheel drive, and the transmission made this car faster than pretty much anything on the road.  It went 0-60 faster than a BMW M3, Mustang GT, Nissan 370Z, and the list goes on.  The best part?  All this fun could be yours for 25 thousand bucks.

Last weekend I went to the San Diego car show.  What did I find there? A WRX that was cooler than ever.  They took the body kit from the STI (Its MUCH more expensive and powerful counterpart) and put it on the WRX.  So now it looks even cooler.  What wasn't so cool? Subaru decided to be lame and start overcharging for the WRX.  It is 30 thousand bucks now, for no particular reason.  You could argue that the performance is worth the money, but drivers spend most of their time inside the car.  What is inside this car? Crap.  Lots and lots of crap. You open the door and slide into a realm of cheap plastic, no technology to speak of, 3 different shades of grey, and boredom.

I would still get this given the opportunity, but the price bump and the lack of anything even reasonably nice on the inside really keeps me depressed.

2012 Nissan Leaf - Cool idea. But it still looks like a turd.

Price: A bit steep, even with the government rebate. But then again you aren't paying for gas...
Power: Hard to describe.  It can go freeway speed?
Sex Appeal: If you find a tortoise sexually appealing, then you will be all over this car.

I like electric things.  I spent most of my youth playing with high end remote control electric cars and airplanes so I know first hand the power of the electric motor.  I have also dabbled in go kart racing, both gas and electric, so I know full well what having instant torque means (you go fast, instantly).  All things considered then, I should like this car...but I don't.

Nissan had a huge opportunity here.  They were coming out with the first affordable electric car the world had ever seen.  Being electric, there wer no limitations for this car.  It does not require the same aerodynamics as its gas powered equivalent and there is not a lot stored under the hood of this car, so they could have made it look however they wanted.  Electric cars are affected by wind just like gas cars, so its range is highly dependent on aerodynamics.  Nissan could have gone all out and made this thing incredibly space-aged looking and extended its mediocre 50-mile range to 100 and beyond without having to mess with any of the technology under the hood.

But they didn't.  They made a turd.  It rivals the most ugly car every made (the prius...but more on that some other time), and it only goes 50 miles.  It is a cool idea to have an electric car.  I admit that 99% of my driving per day is less than 50 miles, so 360 days of the year this is all the car I need.  But I really can't get over how dumpy it looks.  Why could they have not made a plastic ferrari and put a dinky electric motor in it? There are a reason fast cars look fast.  They use up so much gas every little bit counts.  I feel that Nissan should have had the same mentality here.  Electric cars can't go very far to begin with without adding thousands of pounds of batteries, so why not focus on that last little bit?

What we are left with is a half assed attempt at taking on the Prius.  They made it look like the Prius, gave it a million miles per gallon, and charge 10k more for that extra amount of smugness you can carry around when you say: "well I drive an ELECTRIC car, what about YOU?"  Is it really so much to ask for a mainstream car thats good for the environment, saves you a butt load of money, and doesn't look like a pile of S***?

I guess so.  I have hopes for the future, but as it stands, the car industry is terrified of doing anything different than the competition.  This car is just a drop in the bucket of what is possible.  Audi just needs to come out with that electric thing they had in I-Robot that Will Smith drove.  Now THAT is what the "future" should look like.  Not a stink bug.

2012 Fiat 500- Back again

Price: Super attractive
Power: What power?
Sex Appeal: It is like driving Zooey Deschanel: cute and quirky and you want it.

Two summers ago I went with my family to the great country of Italy.  It was there that I was blasted with an overwhelming sight: Fiat 500's.  EVERYWHERE.  I would like to explain further this concept of, "everywhere."  One day we were going to lunch and there in the middle of the sidewalk was a small car.  We asked the waitress what that was all about and she simply said: "oh, there is no parking.  People just park on the sidewalk because the parking ticket is less than paying for a parking lot."

That pretty much sums up the mentality of every Italian.

Needless to say my obsession with this cute little thing quickly grew and by the end of our 10 day trip I badly wanted the souped up Abarth Fiat 500(the tuner version soon to be released in the US).  Until that review, I will focus on the base model.  It is cheap (15-18k), gets good gas milage, comes in a manual, and is blessed with plenty of quirky color combinations.  If you are looking for a car with any pep and zip at all, please move on and buy a mini.  As cool as this car is, it has less than 100hp and despite its apparent small size, has the same generous proportions of its rival: Mini.

In the united states, this car is distributed by Chrysler and that bothers me.  I hate chrysler.  They make cheap S*** cars and should be gone (cough THANKS FOR NOTHING OBAMA cough).  Whether Chrysler has any say in how this car is produced and made is unknown to me, but it is definitely something to consider if you want this car.  All I know is that sitting in one felt awful similar to sitting in a PT cruiser(the quintessential cheap S***).

Its affiliation with Chrysler aside, I overall like this car.  I would never get the base model because it is just too plain and underpowered for me.  My suggestion is to wait for the Abarth which is not totally underpowered and adds just enough toughness to this car to make it appeal to the male and female sex equally.

Also, I like the convertible version of this car.  It is not a traditional convertible, but is cool all the same because the top portion just slides back like a set of blinds.  Pretty cool I must say.

If you are in the market for something fuel efficient and cute, this is a great option if you never have to drive on the freeway(it just doesn't have enough power to be safe at speed).  Otherwise, there are plenty of other cars out there that are better (look at a base mini, ford fiesta, etc).

2012 Tesla S - "Affordable" Green Car

Price: Not terrible with tax incentives.  About the price of Comparable BMW or Audi
Power: Lots of power.  Lots and lots and lots of power.  Redefines: "silent, but deadly"
Sex Appeal: It drips sex.  Women will look sexy in it, men will look sexy in it, and it will look very nice parked next to any sports car in the world.  And it has 4 doors.  Not bad, eh?


The world was introduced to Tesla Motors a few years ago with the Tesla roadster.  It looked awful cool, was designed by Lotus, and came in interesting colors like electric blue and orange.  Cool colors and good looking is usually enough to make it a huge seller, right?

Wrong.  Everything about the roadster was cool except for two things: the 110k price tag, and the fact that it makes no noise.  Ok it makes some noise, but its a quiet whine at most.  The heart and soul of the vastly overpriced roadster was an electric motor and hundreds of laptop batteries.  These two caveats handcuffed the roadster to one type of buyer: someone fabulously wealthy who likes new toys and occasionally feels morally superior to others.

Unfortunately, the roadster never really lost its "toy" stigma.  It could only go about 200miles on a charge and it took around 16 hours to fully recharge.

Years later and millions invested by Toyota and private investors and we now have the Tesla S.  No longer is Tesla out of the reach of 99.9% of Americans.  Not only is it cheaper (tops out at 70k before tax rebates), but it has a longer range.  The top of the line model supposedly can go 300 miles, which would satisfy all driving necessities, short of a road trip,  for pretty much everybody.

The charging time is also much better.  With advances in battery technology and a high voltage charger,  the Tesla S will be ready in the morning before you are.  The better battery and faster charging times are, I think, the two biggest selling points for this car.

In a world trying to become more "green," this is the only acceptable effort in my mind.  It doesn't burn gas, it doesn't look like a turd, and it has better performance than most gas powered cars.  In short, it offers a green alternative that doesn't want to make you gouge your eyes out for what you have to drive in order to be a cleaner human.  It is my DEAREST hope that Tesla takes off in the next few years, so that we may look upon the Prius less, and not have to sacrifice all fun in life over a few pounds of carbon dioxide.

Did I mention it is pretty?

2012 Volkswagen Bug - Somehow NOT a Chick Car Anymore

Price: Cheapest is 20k.  Most expensive is 30k.  Not a bad deal at all
Power: Very decent to more than enough.  And (though I dont really care about this), it gets fabulous gas milage
Sex Appeal: It is...sexy.  Everything the previous new bug should have been.  This car should appeal to everyone.


I was scooching along in traffic yesterday when my eyesight was graced with a flash of white.  My mundane thoughts of an impending pastrami sandwich were pulled back to reality by what?  Huge rims? A spoiler? LED headlights? Aggressive wheel arches? A honken stripe that said "TURBO?" What was it?  The answer is all of the above!  Ladies and gentlemen, I saw the new 2012 VW bug, and my goodness, what a beauty!

There was no love in my heart for the "new bug," which crowded our streets for the better part of a decade.  It was big, it broke down a lot, and the cupholder was occupied by an immovable flower pot.  If that doesn't satisfy the definition of fruity, I don't know what does.  The old "new" bug was everything but what it needed to be: a peoples car.

But wait! The new "new" bug is here to save the day!  It looks completely similar to the old "new" bug, but at the same time it is completely different.  It still has the same headlights, the same wheel arches, the same curved silhouette, but now it is 110% more muscular.  There is no other way to say it, this is now a cool car.  There is definitely a sense of Porsche and Audi DNA in this car (two companies VW now own).

The biggest improvement of this car is that it is once again a people car.  There is something for everyone.  There is a diesel, a generic 5 cylinder motor, the very sexy turbo model, and they call are available for less than 30k.  When it is broken down to a basic form, the new "new" bug is now a two-door sports car.  A simple google search will show pictures of the interior of this car and my oh my, it looks like it was taken out of cars five times the price.

Volkswagen definitely has a next bestseller on their hands.  I like this car so much that there is a definite possibility that the turbo model may be my next car.  It is unique, good looking, and a great value.  Another benefit that this car has is that there are no competitors for it.  It isn't a hatchback so the Mini Cooper is out, and it is too different from the Mustang crowd so I think that many will flock to this new car design and absolutely love it.

I think I am going to go and drive it at the VW dealer tomorrow...you know, just for fun.

2011 Mini Countryman - Alert! Identity Crisis!

Price: Decent, mostly because there are not any options on it that can turn it into anything snazzy.
Power: Gutless.  And more gutless.
Sex Appeal: Not sure who would find this sexy.  Its too small to carry a family or any cargo.  It is too big to be cute.  My theory is that only dumpy people who can't make up their mind and have no creativity will buy this.

When I first heard that Mini was making an "SUV," I was aghast.  How could they?  Why would a brand defined by its cute, pint sized cars make anything larger than a matchbox?  The answer lies in motorsport. More specifically, the world rally championship.

History lesson time! What brought Mini to prominence back in the 1960's wasn't its fuel economy.  It wasn't even its cuteness factor.  Mini DOMINATED rally racing.  Even though the original Mini Cooper had about as much power as your average lawn mower, it was so small and light that it could go over dirt roads faster and with more agility than any other car.  Over the years companies like Audi, Subaru, and Mitsubishi got in the game and with the invention of all wheel drive cars, the Mini dropped out of the public eye.  Back in 2002 BMW decided to bring it back.  However, the Mini Cooper and later the Mini Clubman were both just cars.  Motorsport is very specific about engine size, length of wheelbase, etc ad nauseum.

Mini wanted to get back into the sport which defined its origin so it made a car that could compete: the Mini Countryman.  But why, you may ask, did Mini bring this car to the streets where it is a rolling contradiction?  Two reasons really.  First is that they probably though it would be a hot selling item (not really to be explained later, and secondly there is a funny little rule about motorsport which dictates that all race cars must have an on road equivalent.  That is why Toyota's NASCAR car looks like a Camry, and why the monstrous Subaru STI and Mitsubishi Evo exist.

As a car, this thing has issues.  It is too big to be called a Mini and too small to be an SUV.  The picture deceives.  This is not a big car.  I've sat in it and I felt extremely cramped.  The drivers seat is ok but the back seats have just enough knee room for a double amputee.  There is also only two seats in the back. Instead of having a middle seat, there is this weird little bar that goes from the front of the car to the back where there is places to put cup holders and random doo dads.

My biggest problem is that Mini is very lazy. They built a bigger car, but refused to do anything else.  The engine options for this 4000 pound beast are the same as the regular Mini cooper.  So while you have more space, your ability to move that space remains at gutless and slightly more than gutless.  If you have ever driven the turbo Mini Cooper, you would probably agree that it has just enough power.  Having that same motor in a way heavier car is just stupid.  It means you will be driving down the freeway and look to your left and you will see a bicycle rider passing you.

Visually it is not that bad.  The grill looks like a moustache and the body is a tad bulbous, but otherwise it looks like a regular Mini Cooper that found the cookie jar.  What really bothers me though is that half of what makes Mini so attractive (the infinite amounts of decals, paint combinations, stripes etc), is missing from this car.  It comes in boring colors, the Roof is always black, and there are almost no cool visual accouterments that can be put on this thing.  In short, its boring.  Hardly worthy of the Mini brand logo(which was supersized to look normal on the hood of this car, just fyi).