Saturday, April 21, 2012

2014 Audi R5

Price: Probably more than you can afford
Power: Who the heck knows? oh ya Audi does. Go as them.
Sex Appeal:I don't care how gutless or expensive this car will be. I just want to be seen in it by people I know that way they could totally get the wrong idea about me :D

I was on the freeway the other day sitting in traffic when I saw a really cool vintage Cadillac.  You know, one of the ones that came in gold and had shark fins that would put any shark in existence to shame.  Behind that car was driving a chevrolet volt and I suddenly became very sad.  There next to me was the perfect juxtaposition of car past and car future.  I saw what was once(and still is) really cool and what I have to look forward to as a car enthusiast. Needless to say I shed a tear because the chevy volt is one ugly piece of s***.

But this post is not about the chevy volt.  It is about an Audi, one of the shining lights of hope for car future.  This is germany's version of shark fins: a razor blade-looking piece of sexiness.  Every time a japanese or american company pumps out yet ANOTHER super boring compact car that gets 35mpg and costs exactly 22 thousand dollars, I see future concepts for cars like this and a part of me gets all warm and fuzzy and comforted.  If I had a million bucks my car of choice would be the Audi R8.  It is fast, reliable, understated, and sexy all at the same time.  This bad bad boy looks just like it, if not cooler.  It is like the Audi R8 and S5 got drunk one night and forgot to use a condom.  It is like what the kid of Olivia Wilde and Ryan Reynolds would look like only in car form.  I, for one, just sort of stare with a bit of drool hanging out of my mouth.

So there it is folks. HOPE! CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN! Despite the horrible trend of all cars starting to look ugly, uniform, and super boring, there is still Audi out there, making cars that tease us with images of pure lust.

Monday, April 9, 2012

2012 Nissan GTR

Price: A lot.  More than you can afford
Power: A lot.  More than you can handle
Sex Appeal: Are you into asian, prepubescent boys?

 The Nissan GTR is a super car killer.  They designed it to go faster than the Porsche 911 Turbo. Does it accomplish all this? yes.  Would I buy it? The answer is: no.

Let me explain myself.  I love fast, sexy looking cars as much as the next person but I am also someone who has an ounce of self respect.  I don't care how much money you have, if you buy this car you look like a douche.  Yes it can go faster than most cars in existence but who really gives a crap?  All you are doing when you buy this car is telling the world, and most importantly, the ladies, that you are a gigantic nerd who cars more about the numbers on a piece of paper than reality.

I've been to my fair share of track days and the amount of times I have seen a car that cost more than a Subaru WRX Sti is like, two.  This car is designed to be driven super fast around that big ass track in Gernmany and that is about it.  Base price for this baby is around 90k, and that is before the MASSIVE dealer mark up for being a "rare" and "in-demand" car.  What a load of bull.  Ford tried to pull that a few years ago with the Ford GT(charging 300k for a 150k car) and they basically killed one of the best cars of it's time.  This puppy is not so rare.  In fact, I asked a dude at a Nissan dealer not too long ago and they can get you one in 6-8 weeks to your specification.

So why would anyone buy this sucker?  I really don't know to be honest.  It is PS3 on wheels that has a Nissan badge.  Its 20k more than a corvette Z06 which is HOT and will give you more driving pleasure than the GTR could ever hope to bring.  Even though it is faster than a Porsche, I would still have a basic 911 over this thing.  It is just is  Nice job on the technical achievement there Nissan, but you should have sent this bad boy to Porsche or Ferrari or Audi to have it rebranded for it to be worth anything to the actual buyer.  Unfortunately, this masterpiece of faster-than-s*** machinery is, and forever will be, reserved for that rich ass kid who gets way too much of his daddy's money.